Tales from Huzikkadar

from the exploits of Guido Cacciatore.

Me, I was born in Dolamrath, and Hank - he was from a little ways outside Dol; but he was like a bother to me. Anyhows, we'd been woikin' in Dol, doin' this an' that for this guy, right. His name was Don somethin' or other; but to us he was just Mister Smallgoods. He soitanly was small, not much over three foot high; but still he ws the boss and he paid our wages. We was good at our jobs - Mister Smallgoods, he called his business a protection racket but to us it was just woik. It was Summer when things started to go wrong. Mister Smallgoods'd know better'n us what went wrong; but let's just say that come the end of Summer, we was rottin' in a small Dolamrath prison cell.

Anyhows, Mister Smallgoods - he was our boss - he got this plan right, an' it involved us gettin' out o' prison. The deal was that we'd make a distraction so as he could get out, an' then we'd follow along later. It sounded like a good plan, an' everything went good - right up to the point where Mister Smallgoods got out. Then, we struck problems. Me an' Hank was stuck there for another month or so before we got out, an' when we did, we had to put up everything we owned as bail. It might not've been much, but it was all we had. Anyhows, we said goodbye to everyone we knowed in Dol, an' put the next part of the plan into action. We left Dol that same night, an' headed for this town called Huzikkadar. There was somethin' botherin' me though; it was a dame. Her name was Marlene, but I called her "Sweetgoods". She seemed to like it cos she went and blushed bright red everytime. She woiked as a singer and dancer in this club we goed to a lot, an' I suppose you could say she was sweet for me. But then, pretty much all the broads in Dol were sweet for me. Anyhows, Sweetgoods was a bit shy, 'specially for a dancer; an' often times she'd start away when she seen me comin' towards her. It didn't bother me none, cos pretty much all the dames in Dol were sweet for me; but this Marlene (Sweetgoods), she was really somethin'. Tall, blonde and with legs that seemed to go on an' on til you never knowed where the legs stopped an' the body began. As I say, when we left Dol that night, there ws somethin' botherin' me. We'd said goodbye to everyone we knowed in Dol; well, everyone 'cept Sweetgoods. We'd called by the club where she woiked but the guy there said he hadn't seen her in two days. We'd called by her house but the candles was out an' there was a "For Sale" sign out front. Hank couldn't believe she'd've up an' left without comin' to see me; but I told him that she was a bit shy an' so it was understandable really. I was still a bit hoit about it though.

Anyhows, we headed for Huzikkadar with what we had left: we each had a sack - that was all the clothes they given us in prison - an' I had my old Gladstone Bag we'd used when we was woikin' as bookies a few years before. Unfoitunately, my sack got catched on a thistle bush a few mile out of Dol, an' it went right on and teared down its whole length. Hank fashioned this skoit for me out o' reeds an' shit; so as I'd be decent when we arrived at Huzikkadar. Odd woid "decent" ain't it - my old mom used to tell me I'd never grow up "decent", but I suppose that with this reed skoit on, I'd proved her wrong.

We reached Huzikkadar in the oirly days of Autumn, and youse should'a seen the queue to get in. We was in for a good couple o' hours wait, so me an' Hank made conversation with the guy in front of us. He was this rich lookin' guy an' at foist I think he thought as how we was beggin' or somethin'. I tell youse, he couldn't o' been further wrong. Still, we took his tin coin that he offered, an' kept right on talkin' to him. I never did catch his name, I think it was Mister Count or somethin'; an' it was like he didn't want to talk to us at foist. He was headed to meet the King o' Huzikkadar, an' had some ship comin' up the river to meet him there; but when he got to the front o' the line, his entry tax exemption hadn't been put through right an' his name wasn't on the list. Anyhows, thanks to me he got through - had to pay the tax though - an' I suppose out o' gratitude he got us through too: paid our entry tax an' everythin'. The guard at the gate couldn't believe how this guy treated his soivants - what with me an' Hank wearin' nothin' but a reed skoit an' a sack respectively - but the guy himself was real grateful to us, an' let us follow him to his hotel.

We didn't know it yet but Mister Smallgoods was already in Huzikkadar, and'd hired this new guy - Sunny. Not only that, but Marlene must o' got woid o' the plan from Mister Smallgoods, cos she was on her way to Huzikkadar as well. It was real funny to see her face when we'd run into each other out o' the blue for the foist time in our new home. It was real funny, like she'd seen a ghost or somethin' cos she toined right away an' runned down the street back where she came. But I'm gettin' ahead o' myself, cos that hadn't happened yet. There was this guy Sweetgoods was travellin' with too: Doctor somethin' or other; but we hadn't met him yet neither.

Havin' reached Huzikkadar, all that was left was to find Mister Smallgoods - if he'd o' made it yet; an' start woik, whatever Mister Smallgoods might've wanted that to be.

HUZIKKADAR is one of the many glorious campaign games being run at MURP on a Thursday night this semester; and comes from the possibly unbalanced mind of Andy Smith. It is set in Middle Earth, and uses the MERP system; but don't hold that against it.